The Real Me
by Shian
Summary: I am surrounded by friends, yet totally alone... none of them know me, the real me. Kurts POV


It's amazing what your mind can come up with when your so tired you don't  
feel any emotion except weariness and lack of sleep, and your sitting in a  
stupid boring English class, supposedly graphing the sentences... LOL.  
Here are my thoughts on how Kurt may feel at times, Kurt, and every other  
Anime show loners. (it definitely relates to real life too ) Thank you  
God for inspiring me to write this!

The Real Me  
By: Me

I am surrounded by friends  
Yet totally alone.  
I laugh and have fun  
But feel empty inside.  
I hang out with people I call friends,  
And yet, none of them know me  
The real me.

The real me  
Has been hidden,  
From the cruel, harsh world  
Because if I didn't  
It would destroy me.  
Break my will  
And destroy my soul.

The world would mock me  
Mock my fears and dreams,  
My weaknesses,  
Even though I can do nothing about them  
But hide them.

And so I do  
I hide behind the fake-me  
Watching quietly  
As the real me slowly disappears.

This facade  
Has become who I am  
And who I must remain being  
Because it's too late to stop,  
Being what I'm not.

Some people have tried,  
Tried to get past my protective shield,  
And know the real me.  
Sometimes I let them,  
But then get scared of  
What they will say  
And what they will do  
When they see who I really am inside.

So I replace my barrier  
And push them away again  
They ask to belet in  
But I won't  
I'm too afraid of how they will react  
When they see who I really am  
Inside.

They say I can't push them away from them forever,  
Can't keep resisting them,  
And I know they're right,  
But it's too late  
Too late to break the awful habit  
Of being someone I'm not.

I tried being myself once,  
For just a little while.  
It didn't go so well  
My fears became reality  
And all my friends turned away,  
Saying I had changed and  
Claiming they didn't know who I was anymore.

In my mind I told them  
'You never knew me,  
And probably never will'  
Because the real me is dying,  
Dying from being smothered  
From always being hidden.

But hide it I must  
And so once again I hide behind  
This false personality of mine  
My protective shield from the world  
My barrier, my wall  
That cannot be allowed to fall.

So I just smiled and said,  
"It's just a phase,"  
I blamed it on school, family, hormones,  
Anything,  
To make them come back,  
Come back and accept me  
For who I'm really not.

The real me is no more,  
No longer the real me,  
Because I have pushed it away  
Never to resurface  
Ever again.

But yet, it will not disappear completely,  
For the real me  
Will always be there  
Deep inside  
Waiting,  
To be shown to the world.

And also,  
The real me  
Cannot be hidden from our father,  
Who art in heaven  
Hallowed be thy name  
Thy kingdom come  
Thy will be done  
On earth as it is in heaven.

But until then,  
Until that time when I can be the real me,  
Only I and our Father, Christ, Jesus,  
Will be the ones to know,  
Know, of the real me,  
Hidden deep inside.  
And only when I am alone with the Father,  
When the world can not see me,  
Will I let out the real me,  
freely.

But maybe,  
Maybe someday,  
I will meet someone,  
Someone special,  
Special enough to want to know and love the real me  
For all my quirks and flaws.

When that happens  
I will reach deep into my soul  
And let the real me finally resurface  
Forever and ever  
To be loved and cherished  
Appreciated and cared for.

The real me will wait patiently for that day.  
The day when I will finally,  
Be free...

End

I think this turned out nicely. This was originally an original poem  
written at a time when FF.N didn't host original works, and so I said it  
was from Kurts POV, which wasn't necessarily false. Even now, when they  
have Fiction Press, I think I'll keep it here just because it belongs here  
anyway.

February 25, 2004: I've gone back and edited the poem a bit. You may not be  
able to tell the difference, but I changed a few words, deleted a whole  
stanza, and just a few other little things to make it all the better.


End file.
